Hi… it’s me… again.
It has been quiet the past four months… well, actually it has been quiet since I left for a time out back in September last year and i want to apologize.
I needed the break to get my shit together. I was constantly down seeing myself forcing to draw something for this platform without improving with the potential I was pushing in front of me. After taken the thought in consideration of leaving this platform… I left it that way, at least until the longing returned… I found myself browsing through my gallery, thought I should jsut leave this behind, delete my account but didn’t and came back a month or so later, again browsing through my deviations from the very beginning and reading through one or two stories I put out and added to my submissions.
I might have had a rough time with my self-confidence… and i doubted… a lot. I don’t want to pretend I’ve gone over that, defeated the fear, the doubts but that would be a lie. The truth is; I simply don’t care anymore. This might sound stupidly down and negative but it isn’t actually and that’s putting a wide grin on my face.
I am back, open-heartedly, with a lot of post-experience from the months of my time-out in my back pocket. I only thought about working, working, working hard and practising a lot so that I could return with a dozen of fine polished artworks, starting all over again with a new account… now it seems ridiculously arrogant to me.
I realized I stumbled into this ideal of a professional illustrator, who never made any mistakes, who always did such great things and succeeds with everything he puts out… What a lying and betraying douchebag! really, that sounds like a walking wall of advertisement!
I left this gorgeous platform with such wonderful people on it without knowing what I had… a journey! I had a semi-detailed journey on this profile that showed me how i developed, and how really i improved in just a couple of years since I started with this hobby that I’m so incredibly passionate about! I had all my little stories, all the artworks and collabs and fan-arts that I was so proud of when I first released them and then had to realize they never really got the reputation I thought I deserved. I got the reputation though, I got the pay-off all along, I thought it was supposed to be views, favourites, comments, critiques or watchers, no, it simply was fun and pride.
What you truly yearn for is not what you strive to be, it’s what keeps you going! And this was fun all along… so maybe this was partly the case of my break. i grew tired of the lack of reputation per working hour I got from this platform and focused entirely on sketches and improvement. Never until now, I would think both could go along… I simply had to adapt to it. I no longer have to look for what makes me a great artists but what makes me a great hobbyist. What it is that makes people like your content is not every piece you put out every two or three days, but it’s actually the simplicity of things… they like what’s actually good. And I want to reach out for that. I want to continue with deviantart because I felt not fulfilled without it. A life of study in isolation is no good, here, I can surround me with people to whom I can look forward to and gaze upon them, I can see their journeys and reflect on mine, read their stories and think about mine.
All the time i was thinking about great things to do, now is the time to focus, be open, be friendly, approachable, happy, glad and proud. For I have friends who assist me on my journey, for whom i be part of theirs.
When you look at the future, your stats aren’t important, it’s even more interesting if you imagine what you’ll be doing in that time… how your works will look like and what stories you can assemble, what designs and characters you created and what inspired you to do so.
It is fairly unknown to me what I’ll be working on next… know for now that I am back.
I will sort out my artworks that I was working on and only the best will make it on this page. Slowly I’ll add more by the time they were created, for now… I’ll try to be overly positive, because as my Character Tijan would say; “How you take it; good or bad, positive or negative is entirely up to you.”
Until next month,
Souvie