I‘m sitting on the terrace of our holiday apartment, having a small meal and waiting for my tea to cool down. The sun is covered by a misty cloud and will probably stay like that for the rest of the day. It could be warmer but all in all I‘m very happy at the moment. As a plane flies by I‘m writing my first reflection solely on the phone and for the first time on vacation in over 3 years.
Needless to say, a little bit of distance to my home is quite the nice deviation to get from my routine and the past week has shown how very eventful it can be, but I‘ll get to that.
As August was closing in, I had just finished my last project for school and a very full month of art fight but work still was expected of me through my side job. Sadly, I wasn‘t able to pursue much my esteemed animation projects and while I did finish a few concepts here and there, it wasn’t quite what I was hoping to achieve. I can’t quite remember what all exactly was busying me out but suddenly it was the 10th already, then the 15th and soon the convention would start. Yet I didn’t want to leave unprepared so precautions also reduced my time for projects. Priorities, priorities – it was also important to me to finish a lively birthday gift for my dear friends and hand it to them personally at their respective day(s), so everything had to be finished in time… which fortunately, it did.
I can’t show the finished piece here as I want to wait to upload the signed versions first and mobile just doesn’t make anything easier for me >M<
A few days prior to the con, friends also took me out on an adventurous hike and camping trip, which was quite exciting but took a serious toll on my walking abilities that didn’t make things much esasier. Luckily i recovered in time and on the 23rd finally went to berlin to visit my very first furry convention…
… and it was fantastic! 😀
Oh but where do I begin?
During the first day or so, I was feeling as in a dream. Having fursuiters next to me was an all-new kind of experience, everyone was either in costume or wearing anthro-themed stuff or merchandise from their favourite band. And I… kinda looked out of place in my normalo outfits xD
I really felt how my introvertedness kicked in and if there weren’t any of my friends, I would have been lost all the way. I didn’t know any of the dealers, nor did I know who to look out for it was all very much sightseeing, so I valued the many different panels going on that all very much enticed me. All was so wonderful and intimate in a good way. And as I grew accustomed to the surreal setting, I could embrace my fandom to an extend I couldn’t have foreseen.
Friends visited friends and invited me to join in, that way I found a couple of very cool people that I‘d wished found earlier in life. We had casual conversations and overpriced beer, wandered around and saw some cool suits until the next panel would’ve come up.
And here‘s where the first dreadful feeling came up: I didn’t want this to end and like when standing in front of a tasty buffet, I wanted more than I could have. A 4 day-long weekend you spent with your friends would pass and the day would come that you have to say goodbye and probably won’t see each other again for a whole year… or maybe even more.
And thus, I caught post con depression. It didn’t help that my next apartment was a shitty low-priced motel with noisy people left and right, no privacy or much sense of security in a quite run down part of a huge city.
The final straw that put me over the edge was my nauseating self doubt, that I just had to ask myself why I wouldn’t have done more at the con; when all the times that I‘ve spent alone that I couldn’t talk to people or even ask someone for a photo or a hug. Normally I don‘t fret much over such situations but then and there it was just really depressing and only some distractions through SM, Youtube and online conversations could’ve kept me from breaking down there at the motel lobby…
This all turned very much in a negative direction. But right now; three days after that, I feel much better and hope it will stay with me as a reminder to keep socializing at least until next time I‘ll visit a convention of any kind really.
The next day afterward, I could relax a but more by visiting one of the Berlin zoos, which had a very nice highlight for me personally. Not only did I see a – very sleepy – hyena but also a beautiful bearded vulture couple for the very first time. Even the last day at the motel did turn out quite enjoyable because of that and a nice cheap meal on the way back there.
Yesterday, I went to the aforementioned vacation apartment and really had a lovely time. Today my mother will join me and together we‘re going to have a nice week together in Dresden, see what the city has to offer. I‘ll use that time to quietly reflect and really take a bit of a time off until it‘s back home again.
I don’t want to go on for too long… typing on my phone the entire time has made my fingers and wrist quite wonky so I‘ll end it here to not strain them any further ;P
I wish you a wonderful month! Please don’t hesitate to give me your highlights and / or happenings during August and what you are planning to do in September.
~Souvillaine